As the Sun Went Down

I was jealous of him, I admit-
The way his body fell into rhythm with each beat of life
that I couldn’t quite clutch
His loving family relationship, his countless friends, the solos he sung
His loving family relationship, the dive meets he won, the college he was going to
His loving family relationship – how the fuck?
Because I couldn’t fathom how one could be best friends with their parents, how family time could be the greatest words to hear even over I’m sending nudes
The ease in which he chose his friends over me – anyone else over me while I was speeding away at his beck and call, running over any plans in the way, splitting them in half.

And after it ended, I
was jealous of him in that
he was the sun
I was the moon.

He slept right through the moonlit
darkness as it hung in the backdrop,
as I, faded into nights past.

He didn’t miss the moon the way
I missed the sun at
every set and longed for it
at every waking.

I missed the sun very much last summer. I was quite cold in its absence.


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