Grace

Maybe I’ll call him back once I’ve done everything I wanted to do:
Once I’ve become a good person and apologized to my mother,
Finished my homework and said a holy prayer,
Watered my succulents and stretched my working limbs,
Made my bed and picked up the crumbs of insecurity and
Insatiable expectations rotting their way into the carpet.
I’m sure he can smell the foul scent all the way through the receiver,
All the way past the bullshit.
I say I’m honest but I’m so full of bullshit.
And I don’t know if he’ll stay put, but I know he’ll stay fit
Regardless of what I tell him, stay with that wit
No matter the water I drench on his lit verse
He is more than I deserve.
But where did I get the nerve to shit on someone who’s only been
Kind to me, enlightened my mind to see there is more out there
Than I believe. That there is more to me than my seeds of anxiety,
Restlessness, bitterness, I just want less tears more smiles
No more blood on the tiles – dripping, dripping, slowing, ending.
I want to call him back.

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